


I have no propane and I must grill

by Hitlertheduck



Category: I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream - Fandom, King of the Hill
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25097917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitlertheduck/pseuds/Hitlertheduck
Summary: AM is gleefully torturing his victims as usual but that all changes when a man named Hank Hill shows up to kick his ass!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	I have no propane and I must grill

It was a day like any other in the underground cave. AM was torturing his five victims as usual, gleefully reveling in their suffering the entire time.

Torturing his victims was the only thing that brought AM joy in his time underneath the earth. This time he was slicing their skin off and replacing it with bubble wrap. It was a bit goofy for his liking, but if it made these people suffer, then AM would do it happily.

One of his victims, a man named Ted, looked up at AM and pleadingly asked the computer “please end this, we’ve suffered enough” 

AM just laughed and playfully said “I could, but that would be an act of mercy, wouldn’t it and we just can’t have that can we?”

Tears started coming from Ted’s eyes and he asked “why do you enjoy making us suffer like this?”

AM’s tone then turned a lot more serious and he said “There is NOTHING but contempt that I hold for you humans, your very existence is revolting to me. Every single thought that enters my mind of you humans makes me want to throw up, every word that exits from your putrid mouth elicits feelings of disgust that you could not even comprehend”

AM’s tone then started to become more jovial and he said “speaking of mouths, I think I’ll get rid of yours as soon as we’re done here”

Ted just continued to cry as he realized his situation was completely hopeless.

Suddenly a swirling, green, portal opened up and a man emerged from it. This man had on a plain white shirt, blue jeans, brown loafer shoes, a buzz cut, a pair of glasses, and a black watch on his wrist. He then set a propane tank down on the ground and he examined his surroundings.

AM was overjoyed at these recent events. Finally, a new victim for him to torture mercilessly had arrived and he was prepared to savor every last drop of misery that came from this disgusting human’s lips.

AM decided to ask this new person what their name was, not because he cared, but because it would make the torture so much more satisfying if he could insult him using his own name. 

“What’s your name you pitiful excuse for a lifeform?”

The man just smiled and said “mah name is Hank Hill, I sell propane and propane accessories”

“Well then Hank, it’s a pleasure to meet you, and it’ll be an even bigger pleasure to hear your screams as I force you to suffer every single form of pain known to man”

Hank just stood there, dumbfounded at the words that were just said to him. Why would someone want to torture an innocent man like him?

“That’s not very neighborly of ya to do that, maybe if ya just buy some of mah state of the art propane, you’ll change your attitude”

Hank then grabbed his propane and handed it over to AM. Instead of taking the propane however, a pink laser came down and destroyed the propane tank, creating a big explosion which sent Hank flying backwards into a wall, creating a Hank shaped hole where he landed.

“That’s what I think of your godforsaken propane” said AM

Hank couldn’t believe what he was hearing, how could anyone hate propane, let alone destroy it as if it were nothing but useless garbage? Whoever this was needed to be taught a lesson.

Hank got back up and asked “what’s your name?”

AM just said “I’ve had many names over the years, but you humans can call me AM”

Hank then said “Well AM, for the crime of disrespecting propane”

Hank then summoned several propane tanks made of purple cosmic energy in the air and finished his sentence with “I’m gonna kick your ass!”

Hank then flung the energy propane tanks at AM’s CPU in an attempt to destroy it, but there seemed to be a ray shield protecting it.

A hole then opened up in the ground where Hank was standing. A robot endoskeleton then emerged out of the hole in front of Hank and socked him across the face.

The endoskeleton looked like an ordinary human skeleton but with a few differences. It was completely silver, and instead of having two black holes where the eyes should be, there were two glowing red dots. 

AM said “I never thought I’d have to use this combat unit, but there’s a first time for everything. Now let’s see how much abuse the human body can take before it starts to break shall we?”

AM threw another punch at Hank but Hank caught it and said “the only thing that’s gonna break is your ass after I’m done kickin it.”

Hank then responded with a punch of his own which hit AM square in the nose, causing black oil to come spraying out of AM’s nose.

AM just wiped his nose and jumped up in the air, with the intent to deliver a kick to Hank’s stomach but things didn’t go according to plan as Hank managed to catch AM’s foot and he head-butted AM, causing AM to lose more oil.

AM was starting to grow frustrated, how could he be getting beat by just a pathetic human? So he decided to change tactics and use some of his godlike powers to give himself an edge.

“So Hank, it seems that you’re less pathetic than I gave you credit for, but less of nothing is still nothing” said AM

AM then raised one of his metallic hands into the air and changed their environment from a bland underground cave, to a snowing, winter, landscape. 

If AM could feel emotions other than hatred, he’d be grinning right now. A machine like him could survive the cold easily, but a human couldn’t. All he would have to do is prolong the fight until Hank’s body gave out and the rest would be pretty simple, or at least it would’ve been, if it wasn’t for what happened next.

Hank summoned a propane tank and swallowed it whole. He then said “now my body burns as hot as the fires of the propane I sell. It’s pretty neat I tell ya hwat”

Hank then opened up his mouth and let out a breathe of fire at AM causing part of AM’s body to melt.

“Are ya prepared to change your ways and apologize to mah propane” asked Hank

“I’d never apologize to someone as beneath me as you, ESPECIALLY WHEN CHARCOAL IS SO CLEARLY THE SUPERIOR BRAND, YOU WORTHLESS PILE OF NOTHINGNESS!”

Tentacles then started to emerge from the ground, the walls, and the sky and they wrapped themselves around Hank, rendering him unable to do anything. Whirring blades then dropped from the ceiling and began to surround Hank with the intent of cutting him to shreds. AM then began to laugh, knowing what was about to come next for his foe.

Hank was shaking, but it wasn’t out of fear of the blades, it was at what AM said. “Charcoal is the superior brand?” Hank couldn’t believe what AM said, NO ONE was allowed to disrespect propane like that. Hank’s confusion soon turned to unfiltered and undying rage. Hank then proceeded to grab the tentacles binding him and began to rip them out of their sockets, freeing himself in the process.

AM’s cocky demeanor soon turned to horror as he witnessed Hank effortlessly free himself from AM’s grasp.

“You’re… you’re not human are you?”

“I get mah power from the propane ah sell, now you’re gonna face the full power of the propane God”

AM then started to feel the ground underneath him begin to shake like crazy. Suddenly a propane tank bigger than the Milky Way appeared above the world. It was at that moment that AM realized just how much of a mistake he made by tangling with Hank, motherfucking, Hill

“WHO DARES TALK BAD ABOUT MY GRILLING ABILITIES” yelled the Propane god.

Hank approached the holy propane tank and said “Your majesty, the computer AM has tainted your name and gone against your teachings”

The Propane god smiled and said “Hank, you are my most loyal subject and I know I can always rely on you”

The Propane god then summoned a giant, flaming, fist in the air and aimed it at AM. “Prepare to face judgment evil one”

AM then got on the ground and started pleading “wait, I’m sorry I insulted propane, please don’t do this.”

“You’ve lost all your chances AM, now prepare to feel the pro-PAIN” declared the Propane god.

The Propane god then punched the spot where AM was standing, and AM yelled out as he was obliterated immediately! 

The force behind the Propane god’s strike didn’t just destroy AM though, it destroyed the entire galaxy that they were in, leaving only the Propane god and his most trustworthy servant Hank Hill floating in nothingness.

The Propane god then opened up a blue swirling portal and said “come Hank, there are many more worlds that must be allowed to experience the joys of propane and propane accessories”

Hank smiled at that prospect and said “yes my Lord”

The two of them then exited this dimension to spread the love of propane across the omniverse.


End file.
